Raph's Desk2.0
AFAB enby 💜
Pansexual 💦
Spouse 💍
Friend 🤝
Ally 🌈
Writer 📝
Streamer 💻
Gamer 🎮
Game dev-in-training 💾
Catboy🐱
General
Can I ask you a question?
Sure! Knock yourself out. I won't bite (unless you want me to.)
Who's the cute purple catboy?
That would be Raphail Somnalune, the FFXIV character I've been playing for years. Most of my friends call me Raph instead of my actual name, which is an honor since he's the hero I most look up to. My Vtuber (and previous PNGtuber) is based off his in-game model.
Why is this catboy so damn cute?!
I hit the jackpot during character creation. This guy has turned heads since the day I made him. I'm comfortable enough with it now that I enjoy being objectified. (You're welcome.)
What's the difference between you and Raph?
Everything. And nothing. It's complicated. Let us say simply that the way I write, roleplay, and interact as Raph is reflective of an inner self that I've restrained for too long due to the judgments of others. That makes him both "me" and "someone I'm learning to emulate."
OK, so if you're not Raph, who are you?
You can call me DterminD, Raph, AB, Amy, or whatever your heart desires. Everything you need to know is mentioned on the front page. In addition to the things linked here, I enjoy cooking, coffee, tea, rain, anime, reading, cats, hot tubs, ocean views, rocky beaches, weight lifting, TRX, music (most kinds,) advice columns, and stupid puns.
Why do you have so many different names?!
I get it. It's confusing, and I'd love to consolidate. DterminD is an old screen name that still suits me years later (any variations are due to that being taken!) My friends tend to call me Raph. I'd prefer to keep my real name out of the limelight due to potential family drama. I'm thinking maybe Somnalune might be a good middle ground but I'm not decided yet.
You said you're an AFAB enby, what pronouns should I use for you?
None of them offend me, so don't worry about getting it wrong. I won't correct you unless a conversation is getting awkward! She/her is what I've lived with for most of my life, but I'd prefer to de-emphasize that where possible since it only reflects my physical body. They/them is best, but I'm fine with he/him as well. You'll probably hear me use male words for myself in casual conversation.
You sound cute and girly, are you sure you're not female?
I support and respect all women... but treat me "like a woman" and you'll survive only until I manage to stop laughing. It's way too late to defend my innocence, I'm my own knight in shining armor, and five seconds of watching me stream should tell you how I feel about swearing and sex jokes. Keep your head out of your ass and treat me like the equal I am. Female-coded catcalls will probably be ignored.
What does "transmasculine nonbinary" mean?
I read a description of this phrasing that resonated with my lived experience, and I've started using it in place of "AFAB" or simply "nonbinary." Transmasculine means that I identify and behave more masculine despite being assigned female at birth. Nonbinary means I do not view myself as exclusively male or female. TLDR? I'm a catboy. For best results, treat me as if I'm really one.
Isn't AGAB toxic? We're trying to get away from assigning gender!
I agree, there's no need to care or discuss it. I'm a Vtuber, no one's looking at my physical body and it's rude to discuss it anyway. But to be truly myself, I have to own a) the body I'm wearing, even when it hurts, b) the years of my life I spent thinking of myself as a poorly-adjusted woman, and c) the truth in front of me now. Anything else is negating the person behind the catboy, and that's not OK.
I heard you have social anxiety, what's that about?
Yep. It used to be bad enough that voice chatting in games was impossible, let alone streaming... but here we are. I owe that to my amazing friends, who have welcomed me with open arms from the start despite it all. I'm still a little nervous sometimes, especially around new people, but I'll keep working on it. Please don't take it personally!
You read a lot of stuff/have a nice voice, are you a voice actor?
Thank you! I am absolutely not a professional voice actor, but I've started to do what I like to call "budget" voice acting for some games I stream that don't have their own. I haven't always found it easy to use and trust my own voice around other people, so in light of positive feedback, I'm using this streaming thing to stretch my wings. If you think it's dorky, you won't be the first, but I'm doing it anyway because it's fun.
Twitch
What's your channel about?
I'm one of the countless variety game-streaming channels out there. Streaming is something I do primarily for fun and to spend time with friends, not as a career, so things are pretty laid back and friendly with a very small audience (though it is growing!) I/we play too many things to list these days, so I'll simply point you at our channel if you want to know what we're up to.
Are you monetized? Do you plan to be?
As of November 1st, 2023, we are an Affiliate channel! Doing this most nights of the week is beyond any expectation I ever had for streaming, but I have enjoyed gaming and chatting with all of you so much. As long as people enjoy what I/we put out there, I'll be here! Subs are not a specific goal but deeply appreciated if you'd like to support what you see. Follows are free and always welcome.
Whoa, why are your streams tagged for "certain audiences?!"
I'm an adult. My friends are adults. But it's fun to behave like children. Swearing, flirting, and sex jokes will be present and unmoderated as long as it stays within Twitch's TOS. I also enjoy many games that contain violence, sexual content, and/or mature themes. I hate Twitch's vague tagging rules but I am doing my best to abide by my interpretation of them.
I don't think you qualify for those tags though!
To be honest, neither do I. We're not particularly crude and we don't swear every other word. But as with so many rating systems, Twitch's stated guidelines for what must be tagged leave a lot of room for interpretation. I'd rather attempt to be safe and over-tag my streams than risk warnings or bans by guessing what is/isn't permissible on my own.
So you're one of those lewd streamers, then?
I do have my limits... but in general I prefer to be my lewd, natural self, yes. I tend to be more circumspect with new people, but frequent viewers, trusted friends, and lurkers will get what they get! If I hear or sense that I'm making someone feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will dial it back, but the only church I'm likely to take you to is the kind Hozier wrote a song about. =)
How did you get started streaming?
I will blame this on my friend Sol. He suggested we try to stream our early Phasmophobia sessions on his channel, which was not something I thought my nerves could handle. Turned out we have as much fun on stream as we do off! The rest has been equal parts personal challenge and an attempt to provide a safe space for friends going through rough times.
Fanfics
What fanfics do you write?
Right now there are two specific things I'm working on, both related to Raph and FFXIV. Memoirs of a Miqo'te is a multi-chapter novel exploring his early life prior to becoming a Warrior of Light. The Crystal Collection is a collection of short stories about his relationship with a particular NPC from the game. Some (but not all) of the latter feature explicit content.
Ewww why are you writing explicit content?!
I'll level with you: I don't do this in 98% of my writing. Writing serious sex scenes makes me blush. I also prefer to walk the line between artistic and raw lewd factor, which adds an extra layer of difficulty. "Good" lewd writing is a skill, friends. I'm here for the challenge! And I'm as surprised as you are, but my reads/kudos seem to suggest people enjoy my work.
You're not a gay guy. Why are you writing gay sex scenes?
I thought Raph was straight when I made him... but the plot of FFXIV did some stuff that made me realize he would have 500% ended up in certain guys' beds too if I'd ever considered the possibility he was bi. I put a lot of time/effort into being believable, respectful, and a positive influence on the bi/gay community (but my ears are always open when I fail to do so.)
So do you watch gay porn then? As research? For science?
That's for me to know and you to assume. We can have this talk if you really want to (I believe sex/desire shouldn't be shameful in a healthy society) but anyone unprepared to share their own viewing habits and preferences in exchange isn't ready for that freedom or knowledge.
Aren't you taking space away from real bi/gay writers?
I, myself, am both enby and pansexual. I want the best for all LGBTQIA+ folks in making our work as visible as possible. My work is free and hosted on sites that allow for everyone's voices to be heard. If I were somehow making it harder for marginalized writers to be noticed, or somehow misrepresenting myself, I would be more concerned. That simply isn't the case.
I thought you were a real writer?
That's OK. I thought you were a real human. But hey: I write original content and have been doing so since I was in elementary school. Someday I will pursue publication. I take fic writing seriously instead of shitposting and I try my best to make things worthy of the IPs I love. If my work doesn't do it for you that's 500% fine, but nobody likes a snob.
How long do we have to wait for another fanfic to come out?!
I'm so sorry, reader friends. I never intended to disappear on you! There's still so much left that I have planned. Jumping off the deep end with streaming has taken up most of the free time I used to spend on writing for now. Eventually I hope to have things situated enough that I can go back to doing what I love and pursuing this new joy at the same time.
Games
What games do you like to play?
Most fantasy, sci-fi, and horror games with a strong emphasis on character, story, choices, and immersive worlds appeal to me. I have a particular love for JRPGs and Japanese-style adventure games, which prioritize different things than many of their Western counterparts. Visual novels, dating sims, puzzle games, rhythm games, and fighting games are all great too.
Ugh. too much anime, don't you play any Western fantasy games?
Friends, I'm a card-carrying weeb. Did you not notice the catboy? I can respect longstanding Western fantasy tropes, but I get skeeved out fast by anything paternalistic or preachy, and that's far too common in most Western concepts. "Be a good boy, slay the dragon, save the princess, get the glory" isn't my vibe and is never going to be, I'm afraid.
What about other games not mentioned above?
I try to keep an open mind. Some games don't check every box I have, but are fun to try with friends or play for my own amusement. Even when I haven't loved something I've tried, it was an opportunity to learn, grow, and challenge myself, which is what I'm all about.
What games do you hate?
I prefer not to shit on games or developers. Some games just aren't for me and that's 500% fine. But there are exceptions. World of Warcraft is dead to me and has been for years, which is great since I'm certain they have no interest in players like me anymore. I've watched that game break so many people I cared about, myself included, and it's just not worth it.
Oof. Tell us how you really feel about WoW?
Short version: I inherited a tiny but great guild from a couple that was leaving the game for time reasons. I was a teenager and only had RP forum leadership knowledge, but didn't want to see it die... so I leaned in. We were 300+ strong at one point during our two year run. But toxic raiding and interpersonal drama took that out back, shot it, and left me scarred.
Scarred? Aren't you just being dramatic?
Nope. I'd grown up with most of those people. Moved in with and married my husband, and later moved out of my home state for the first time, with them by my (virtual) side. Many hurt me deeply by the end. The two I trusted most became people I no longer recognized afterward, and both friendships ended in tears after years of trying to reclaim what was lost.
That sounds like personal stuff. What does WoW have to do with any of that?
The thing that broke us was the sharp divide between the people that were there for the close-knit "family" we were, and the people that wanted hardcore raiding in addition to that. At first we were able to make it work, but as time went on, the gap widened until nothing could hold it together. WoW has embraced and encouraged a similar divide ever since.
How can you say such things about my beloved WoW?!
Hey, play whatever you want. I'm not here to tell you what to do with your money or time. Do you really need a purple catboy's permission to enjoy your game?
So were you a raider or a casual?
At the time, I was the second max-level character in our guild, and eager to support the guy who was first in his raiding dreams. But back in those days, raiding was more like boot camp. Newbie mistakes? Missed a session? 5 minutes late? Don't come back. I loved the challenge, hated the stressful environment... and believed quitting would make me a bad leader.
So you just... suffered?
Unfortunately, yes. Well past the point that I should have. It took a serious toll on my ability to enjoy the game, and wreaked a lot of havoc on my physical and mental health at the same time. I'm proud of some of the things I accomplished out there, but I sacrificed way too much of myself and my own needs to serve others as a leader. I can't afford to do that again. Ever.
So you're a filthy casual then?
I'm proud of it. Fite me. After some convincing, I've had fun tackling some harder stuff with my FC friends, but I'll never be a serious raider again. I'm happiest in a community leader role in groups, though I'm always trying to improve and do my best as a player for friends and teammates in things I join. If that's not good enough, I will volunteer to GTFO.
What about PVP?
I'm not very competitive when it comes to other people, so PVP isn't much of a draw. Sometimes I'll stick a reluctant toe in the PVP waters if there are exclusive rewards I want gated behind it, but it's gotta be something I want more than life itself.
What MMOs have you played?
My first dedicated MMORPG was FFXI. I spent years in WoW and months in the original PSO2, Secret World Legends, and Mabinogi. My current tenure in FFXIV is... six years now?! Other honorable mentions slash fond memories: Aion, BDO, City of Heroes, DDO, EverQuest, Lost Ark, MXO, Ragnarok Online, Rift, SWTOR, Tabula Rasa, Warhammer Online, and Wildstar.
What MMOs did/do you actually like?
Now you're asking the right question! I'm going to list my faves without explaining to avoid this answer getting too long: FFXIV, Secret World Legends, PSO2, FFXI, Mabinogi. WoW used to be there at one point in my life and I do have some fond memories. I wish I'd played more Ragnarok Online. I'm heartbroken that MXO, Tabula Rasa, and Wildstar are gone.
What role do you play in MMOs? Tank, healer, or DPS?
It's varied a lot over the years. I enjoy tanking and healing, but most players take content at such blistering speeds that I'm not comfortable keeping up with the demands of those roles unless it's among friends. DPS classes with a lot of support or utility tend to be my focus these days, but I will (with a lot of anxiety) agree to be flexible as needed.
What jobs are your favorite in FFXIV?
Since ShB, I've made it a personal goal to level every job to max by the end of an expansion. I like the challenge, and I think it helps me be a better player and friend to understand even the jobs I'm terrible at. =) But in order by role... Tanks: PLD, DRK, GNB, WAR. Healers: AST, SGE, WHM, SCH. RDPS: MCH, DNC, BRD. MDPS: SAM, RPR, NIN, DRG, MNK. Casters: RDM, SMN, BLM, BLU.
What are some of your favorite MMO classes in general?
I've been a red mage main in FFXIV for almost my entire tenure and I still love it. I played an Affliction Warlock in WoW (drain tanking was the best, change my mind.) Luster turned out to be a surprising love in the original PSO2 and they finally added it back to NGS!!! Major shoutout to Archon from Rift. More support/debuff focus jobs in games please!
Are you really as bad at gaming as your streams suggest, or...?
Yes, dying in stupid, insane, and/or comedic ways is the natural order for me, not a "bit." IMO, games are supposed to be fun. That means less emphasis on "git gud" and more on doing nonsensical stuff simply because I can. If the stakes are high, I will do my best not to drag the team down without purpose, but otherwise I will be the class clown we all deserve.
What's your take on gacha games, loot boxes, etc.?
I'm fortunate enough to be able to spend cash on games when I choose to. However, I am pretty strict about limiting how many games I'm doing it for at once, and I will only do it for games/developers that I believe have earned it through being quality experiences and/or offering a solid F2P method. I don't do pulls or loot boxes on my streams in order to avoid tempting folks that cannot or choose not to partake.
Dude your Honkai: Star Rail roster is unholy, how much do you spend???
Yes, I've spent money on HSR. More than most games of this kind. But many of those pulls were both free and lucky. I'm a character collector first and foremost, and I am also willing to pay money to support a top-quality game/story that I have loved since day 1. I'm not "paying to win" in any capacity, nor do I think that's really possible in this game, which is one of the reasons I feel fine supporting it as I'm able.
Commissioned Art
I was hoping to see some cute purple catboy fan art, what's the deal?
I've never liked the layout I came up with on my old site for sharing ordered comms, and the new general setup has a lot less space to work with. I'll figure something out ASAP, but for now I'm going to stick this message here and hope you'll forgive me. =) Anyone who draws me cute Raphs deserves the highest respect I can offer, which means doing this right.